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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Physics would have been much Easier.


Physics would have been much easier.
If..
“Tree” had fallen on Newton’s head instead of the apple.

Inspiring Words by Albert Einstein


More the Knowledge 
Lesser the Ego, 
Lesser the Knowledge, 
More the Ego… 

~ Albert Einstein


Saturday, April 6, 2013

3 Stupid Stages of Life


Teen Age : Have Time + Energy but No Money

Working Age : Have Money + Energy but No Time

Old Age :  Have Time + Money but No Energy

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Bathtub Test


During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a tea-spoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No.” said the director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Killing English


  • Principal to student..." I saw you yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "
  • Class teacher once said :" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
  • Once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."
  • "Don't Try To Talk In Front Of My Back.."
  • Don't..laugh at the back benches...other wise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
  • It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
  • Teacher in a furious mood... write down your name and father of your name!!
  • "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
  • My manager started like this "Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
  • "Will you hang that calendar or else I’ll hang myself"
  • Librarian Scolde ," If u will talk again , I will kneel down outside"
  • Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
  • Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father.
  • "Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
  • Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
  • Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
  • Once teacher told "If you Talk so loudly I will stand uping you"
  • Teacher to students: don’t spit outside, the understanding people will suffer
  • I have 3 daughters, All are girl.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Bus Conductor (Funny Thriller Story)


Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. 

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. 

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession. 

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession. 

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. 
This time he died instantly!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time? 

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died!

Awesome Answers in IAS Examination



Question : How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Answer :  Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Question : If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
Answer : No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS)

Question :  If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
Answer : Very large hands. (UPSC 11th Rank Opted for IPS)

Question : How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Answer : You will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Question : How can a man go eight days without sleep?
Answer : No Problems, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Question : If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
Answer : It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Question : What looks like half apple?
Answer : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)

Question : What can you never eat for breakfast?
Answer : Dinner.

Question : Bay of Bengal is in which state?
Answer : Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"


The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.

"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the Day sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked.

"Sorry Sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a Second difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM!

Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind.

This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!

Oxford Examination Board 1987 (Essay Question)

Question : What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer : (After 7 blank pages, At the end of the last page…) : This is courage.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Definitions of a Kiss by Different Professors



Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways :

Prof. of Computer Science :
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra :
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry :
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics :
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry :
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology :
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology :
A kiss is the just a position of two orbicular muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry :
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy :  
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics :
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics :
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy :
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English :
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken  in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering :
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.

Funny Answers of a Candidate on the Interview



Interviewer : There are 50 bricks on an airplane.

If you drop 1 outside, How many are left?

Applicant : That's easy, 49.

Interviewer : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Applicant : Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Applicant : Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Applicant : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Interviewer : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Applicant : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.

Interviewer : Last question.
In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Applicant : Er....I guess she drowned?

Interviewer : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane. You may leave now.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Bihar School Teacher's killer English


  • Pick up the paper and fall in the dust-bin!
  • Both of you three, stand together separately! 
  • Will you hang that calendar or I'll "Hang Myself!" 
  • Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father! 
  • Why are you looking at the monkey outside when Im in the class...?
  • I have 2 daughters: both are girls. 
  • Stand in the middle of the corner!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Gossip of the Boy with a Girl on Facebook


Boy : Hey!

Girl : What?

Boy : Hi

Girl : Bye!

Boy : Why?

Girl : Didn't heard what I said?
Get Lost!

Boy : Okay as you wish!
But I wanna say something to you!

Girl : What? Say fast, I don't have time!

Boy : *Laughing*
If I ever wanted to commit a suicide,
I'll definitely jump from your ego level to your IQ level!
Now get lost..!!
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