jeff dunham arguing with myself peanut bad hair blooper

jeff dunham arguing with myself peanut bad hair blooper

Killing English

• Principal to student..." I saw you yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? "
• Class teacher once said :" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
• Once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.."
• "Don't Try To Talk In Front Of My Back.."
• Don't..laugh at the back benches...other wise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
• It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
• Teacher in a furious mood... write down your name and father of your name!!
• "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
• My manager started like this "Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"
• "Will you hang that calendar or else I’ll hang myself"
• Librarian Scolde ," If u will talk again , I will kneel down outside"
• Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
• Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father.
• "Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
• Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
• Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
• Once teacher told "If you Talk so loudly I will stand uping you"
• Teacher to students: don’t spit outside, the understanding people will suffer
• I have 3 daughters, All are girl.

Murder of English

Murder of English

Bride for My Son

Bride for My Son

PA Sangma's fight to the finish to be President

The Bus Conductor (Funny Thriller Story)

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. 

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. 

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession. 

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession. 

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. 

This time he died instantly!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time? 

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died!

Awesome Answers in IAS Examination

Question : How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Answer :  Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Question : If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
Answer : No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS)

Question :  If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

Answer : Very large hands. (UPSC 11th Rank Opted for IPS)

Question : How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Answer : You will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Question : How can a man go eight days without sleep?
Answer : No Problems, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Question : If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
Answer : It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Question : What looks like half apple?
Answer : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)

Question : What can you never eat for breakfast?
Answer : Dinner.

Question : Bay of Bengal is in which state?
Answer : Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"

The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.

"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the Day sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked.

"Sorry Sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a Second difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM!

Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind.

This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!

Oxford Examination Board 1987 (Essay Question)

Question : What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer : (After 7 blank pages, At the end of the last page…) : This is courage.

Farewell Pranab Mukherjee

Funny Accident of a Biker on performing Risky Stunts on Indian Roads

Funny Accident of a Biker on performing Risky Stunts on Indian Roads

The drama behind the race to Raisina Hill

Annoying Orange - Buddy Cops

Annoying Orange - Big Top Orange

A Kid's Lover letter...!

A Kid's Lover letter...!

Definitions of a Kiss by Different Professors

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways :

Prof. of Computer Science :

A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra :

A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry :

A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics :

A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry :

A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology :

A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology :

A kiss is the just a position of two orbicular muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry :

A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy :  

A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics :

A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics :

A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy :

A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English :

A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken  in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering :

Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.

Funny Answers of a Candidate on the Interview

Interviewer : There are 50 bricks on an airplane.

If you drop 1 outside, How many are left?

Applicant : That's easy, 49.

Interviewer : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Applicant : Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Applicant : Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Applicant : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Interviewer : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Applicant : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.

Interviewer : Last question.
In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Applicant : Er....I guess she drowned?

Interviewer : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane. You may leave now.

Bihar School Teacher's killer English

• Pick up the paper and fall in the dust-bin!
• Both of you three, stand together separately! 
• Will you hang that calendar or I'll "Hang Myself!" 
• Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father! 
• Why are you looking at the monkey outside when Im in the class...?
• I have 2 daughters: both are girls. 
• Stand in the middle of the corner!

One Direction - Maths Song

Gossip of the Boy with a Girl on Facebook

Boy : Hey!

Girl : What?

Boy : Hi

Girl : Bye!

Boy : Why?

Girl : Didn't heard what I said?
Get Lost!

Boy : Okay as you wish!
But I wanna say something to you!

Girl : What? Say fast, I don't have time!

Boy : *Laughing*
If I ever wanted to commit a suicide,
I'll definitely jump from your ego level to your IQ level!
Now get lost..!!

Application for Employment (Funny Letter)

Application for Employment (Funny Letter)

Why men shouldn't write advice columns

Why men shouldn't write advice columns

Funny Love Story

A certain rich businessperson had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner. When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now, the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.

The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them. At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper. Her father said, "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

Therefore, in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, suddenly from the next corner, a lorry came at a fantastic speed and hit him. He died on the spot.

The girl was devastated and lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the next day because he had died horribly.

Father felt very sad for his daughter. He told his daughter, "See, This is all divine will. I know I should not be talking to you so soon. However, I cannot bear the pathetic sight of you like this for the rest of my life. I beg you; please try to come out of this sorrow. I want you to marry again and live happily forever. My partner's son is willing to marry you." The girl, who was already so sad, now felt sorry for her father also.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the bloodstains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night; she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the bloodstains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some remained. But again, the next night she had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the bloodstain, or else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains remained. She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door, she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. Her face was pale. She seemed to be half asleep or in a trance. The girl got very scared and fainted. And slowly she slipped, and slipped down to a bottomless pit. She lost any idea of time.

The old lady woke her up. She gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked the old lady, "What is this...?"

The old lady started singing in unbelievably melodious semi divine voice.

"Washing powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma
Doodh si safedi Nirma se aaye,
Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,
Washing powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma. Nirma"

10 ka 1, do pe. ek free

The girl bought two and got one free!

Proof that Girls are Evil

Proof that Girls are Evil

The pre-summer Tamasha

Funny Letter to Santa Claus

Funny Letter to Santa Claus

Money Isn't Everything...

Money Isn't Everything...

Funny Dialogues between Boy Friend and Girl Friend

Funny Dialogues between Boy Friend and Girl Friend

High Five Etiquette

Exam Tension

Exam Tension

Facebook Paper for Class XI (HSEB Board)

Facebook Paper for Class XI (HSEB Board)

Funny Answers

Funny Answers 

Stupidity Has No Limits..!!!

Stupidity Has No Limits..!!!

School Life

School Life

Letter of a Scared Son to Mom

Letter of a Scared Son to Mom

Answer the Questions

Answer the Questions

Cute~cute Argument (Sheena)

12 Reasons Why I Choose to Be in IT Industry

12 Reasons Why I Choose to Be in IT Industry

Interview of Santa

Interviewer : Let me check your word Power.

Santa : Okay Sir.

Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of good.

Santa : Bad

Interviewer : Come

Santa : Go.

Interviewer : Ugly.

Santa : Pichlli.

Interviewer : PICHLLIIIII?

Santa : UGLYYYYYYYYY.

Interviewer : Shut Up.

Santa : Keep Talking.

Interviewer : Okay now stop all this.

Santa : Now carry on all this.

Interviewer : What the Hell is wrong with you?

Santa : What the heaven is right with you.

Interviewer : Get Out.

Santa : Come In.

Interviewer : Oh my God.

Santa : Oh my Devil.

Interviewer : You are Rejected.

Santa: I m selected...

Thank you so much Sir!

A Letter of Banta Singh to Bill Gates about Windows Problem?

Microsoft's Bill Gates decided to invest further in Punjab after receiving a letter from Mr Banta Singh. 

To : Bill Gates, Microsoft
Date : 1 April 2011
Subject : Problems with my new computer 

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.. 

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot to trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when will you provide that? 

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when will you provide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single picture of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC only at home.

8. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after office hours. 

Regards,

Last one Mr. Bill Gates

PS : Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

Letter from Husband (who is abroad) to Wife

Dear Sweetheart,

I can not send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart

Your husband,

Arun

His wife replied back after some days to her husband :

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items……. ….

5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please do not worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart

A Selfish Safety-Guard

A Good Excuse for not Studying

Wife of Different Time-Zone